Loved your article - our A seems to be living a similar life to your R. I have shared your words worldwide (I am Canadian living in England) as they help summarise where we are at too. Thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! As a parent who is experiencing similar 'bumps in the road' I really appreciate it. Reading your post was ever so helpful!
This is something we are seriously considering for our 10 year old boy, along with a move to the coast (his happy place). We are constantly told that he will cope in mainstream secondary school when he struggles in year 6 primary in a good nurturing school. Your experience may just give us the confidence to do what we know in our gut is right- to take him out of a rigid system which is squashing every ounce of his amazing personality out of him. Wishing you and your family every happiness. R sounds just like our son- he will do so well in life with your love and support.
Ah, thanks – and I really hope it works out for you. I know exactly what you mean about the coast being the happy place – we've often had the same thoughts.
I believe Naomi Fisher (the author) works in Hove, where there seems to be a good self-directed learning community. https://smlcollege.org.uk/
I still feel like a beginner in all of this (my wife Sue knows a lot more), but definitely feel free to email nick@asburyandasbury.com if it helps to compare notes.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing that. I was equally drawn to click and read by the painting as by the title. There is not enough discussion about education/learning as there should be - particularly among politicians, who seem incapable of listening to opinions. 👍🙏🏽
Same time frame, and Im guessing when you wrote that October piece, I was sobbing into the arms of my mother, desparate and despairing, following watching my child head into school anxious and on the edge of broken.
I remember when I had the light bulb moment and all my rabbit hole researching paid off, and I decided to pull him from school, just a few days later. We are now unschooling and my son does exactly what yours does, every day.
But even though I know I am doing the right thing, sometimes the deeply ingrained rhetoric of society that 'kids should be in school' gives me a smack in the face, just to keep me on my toes!
Thanks again, because today is one of those days where I am questioning if I am doing enough, and your post has helped 🙏
Ah, thanks very much – we totally go through all those feelings too, including the moments of blind panic. Well done on finding the right rabbit hole!
We often tell ourselves that, while there's no guarantee things will work out, there was pretty much a guarantee that school would have been a LOT worse. I wish we'd been told that there is such a thing as unschooling at the time of the autism diagnosis – we might have got there sooner.
Thanks for reading and best of luck on your journey.
Such a brilliant piece. Completely relate to so much of what you’ve written. Poem quoted also really touched and took me back to a vivid picture in my rear view mirror shortly before we took him out. Just purchased the book. Will continue to follow you both as love your wife’s artworks too! Take care.
May we share it on our website please www.parentsandcarerstogether.co.uk with a link to your website to purchase it? Under the blog page with credit to you? No problems if not of course
I am so sad that school is such a difficult environment for so many of our neurodiverse children. With some tweaks, change of attitude and a sprinkle of kindness, the system could be so much better....
Thanks Soli – yes, there are so many well-intentioned people in schools, but the system bends everything out of shape. I really hope it’s something that changes dramatically over the next generation.
Loved reading this. My late husband and I took our eldest out of school when he was in his teens. He is severely dyslexic, ultra bright but had been branded one of the naughty children. He flourished at home and is now a very successful record producer.
I read this a few days ago as it was featured on the TeacherTapp app. So thought provoking fir me, as a person who was (miserably) schooled, a teacher and a new parent: what are our options when schooling is doing so much damage? Is muddling through really the best we can hope for? It takes a certain amount of bravery to tread the road less travelled, and even more so for writing about it on the internet. Thank you and hoping it pays dividends in the end. Your description of R.’s YouTubing suggests it is doing something right.
Ah, thanks very much – yes it’s sad thinking how many people endure school more than they enjoy it. Hopefully things will keep changing over the next generation. Thanks very much for reading.
Hi Nick - would love to connect to share our work and introduce you to some fab forums where the discussions are children’s rights, social justice and education alternatives are fierce and invigorating. www.teamsquarepeg.org / @teamsquarepeg / ellie@teamsquarepeg.org
Hi – thanks so much for the comment, was already very aware of Square Peg and following you on Twitter! I think it was Sue who first became aware of you. Thanks for all the work you do in this area – it really helps. We definitely plan to stay engaged in this whole conversation - right now we mainly feel relieved to have found a way out and hopefully a happier future ahead.
Dec 27, 2021·edited Dec 27, 2021Liked by Nick Asbury
As a teacher who has left the classroom, but more importantly as a mother of two eclectic schooled boys, this article made me happy. I wish every child could learn in the environment that was just right for them! Btw, I’d love to know your son’s page. My 10 year old loves Minecraft and loves using it as a tool to learn all about the world we live in.
"The person with the clipboard never arrives." I loved this line along with many others. This part is also so great: "All these debates ... connect to even bigger questions about the changing labour market (for which education is partly a preparation) and ultimately about life itself. What makes a good life? What makes a good childhood? What are the responsibilities of a parent? How do you measure success?"
So much heart and thought is on display in this piece. As a parent to 3 boys who are also not in school but learning, living, asking questions, and far more in control of their time than I ever was in school, I appreciate the care with which you articulated your experience. Thank you! A.
Ah, thanks Ashley, that's so nice to hear. That 'person with a clipboard' thing is something I think about a lot. I guess many parents feel the graduation photo is the culmination of all the effort, but life carries on long after that and the after-effects of schooling can play out in all sorts of strange ways.
All the best to your three boys – sounds like they're having a great start in life.
Just discovered you this morning, Nick, and very glad to have done so. Loved this honest and thought provoking post of yours, and the brilliant artwork by your wife. Thanks for sharing.
Beautifully written Nick, and clear that you and your wife are being incredibly thoughtful and making the best decision for your child. Especially interesting to read about parents who are working hard to make things work outside of the "traditional" parenting routes that society pushes us into, which can often feel like square pegs into round holes.
It's so nice to read of your care and love for your boy. Good luck R.
That’s a lovely thing to say, thank you
Loved your article - our A seems to be living a similar life to your R. I have shared your words worldwide (I am Canadian living in England) as they help summarise where we are at too. Thank you 🙏
That's great to hear, thank you. All the best to you and A.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! As a parent who is experiencing similar 'bumps in the road' I really appreciate it. Reading your post was ever so helpful!
Thanks for the feedback, means a lot. Hope things work out for you 👍
This is something we are seriously considering for our 10 year old boy, along with a move to the coast (his happy place). We are constantly told that he will cope in mainstream secondary school when he struggles in year 6 primary in a good nurturing school. Your experience may just give us the confidence to do what we know in our gut is right- to take him out of a rigid system which is squashing every ounce of his amazing personality out of him. Wishing you and your family every happiness. R sounds just like our son- he will do so well in life with your love and support.
Ah, thanks – and I really hope it works out for you. I know exactly what you mean about the coast being the happy place – we've often had the same thoughts.
I believe Naomi Fisher (the author) works in Hove, where there seems to be a good self-directed learning community. https://smlcollege.org.uk/
I still feel like a beginner in all of this (my wife Sue knows a lot more), but definitely feel free to email nick@asburyandasbury.com if it helps to compare notes.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing that. I was equally drawn to click and read by the painting as by the title. There is not enough discussion about education/learning as there should be - particularly among politicians, who seem incapable of listening to opinions. 👍🙏🏽
Belated thanks for the comment – much appreciated
Thank you for this Nick.
Your journey has been our journey.
Same time frame, and Im guessing when you wrote that October piece, I was sobbing into the arms of my mother, desparate and despairing, following watching my child head into school anxious and on the edge of broken.
I remember when I had the light bulb moment and all my rabbit hole researching paid off, and I decided to pull him from school, just a few days later. We are now unschooling and my son does exactly what yours does, every day.
But even though I know I am doing the right thing, sometimes the deeply ingrained rhetoric of society that 'kids should be in school' gives me a smack in the face, just to keep me on my toes!
Thanks again, because today is one of those days where I am questioning if I am doing enough, and your post has helped 🙏
Ah, thanks very much – we totally go through all those feelings too, including the moments of blind panic. Well done on finding the right rabbit hole!
We often tell ourselves that, while there's no guarantee things will work out, there was pretty much a guarantee that school would have been a LOT worse. I wish we'd been told that there is such a thing as unschooling at the time of the autism diagnosis – we might have got there sooner.
Thanks for reading and best of luck on your journey.
Such a brilliant piece. Completely relate to so much of what you’ve written. Poem quoted also really touched and took me back to a vivid picture in my rear view mirror shortly before we took him out. Just purchased the book. Will continue to follow you both as love your wife’s artworks too! Take care.
Ah, thanks very much. Imagine a lot of parents have had some version of that rearview mirror moment.
And thanks for buying the book! Will send it off today. All the best to you.
May we share it on our website please www.parentsandcarerstogether.co.uk with a link to your website to purchase it? Under the blog page with credit to you? No problems if not of course
Sorry I somehow missed this at the time – yes that would be totally fine
I am so sad that school is such a difficult environment for so many of our neurodiverse children. With some tweaks, change of attitude and a sprinkle of kindness, the system could be so much better....
Thanks Soli – yes, there are so many well-intentioned people in schools, but the system bends everything out of shape. I really hope it’s something that changes dramatically over the next generation.
Loved reading this. My late husband and I took our eldest out of school when he was in his teens. He is severely dyslexic, ultra bright but had been branded one of the naughty children. He flourished at home and is now a very successful record producer.
Hi Ceri – belated thanks for the comment. So nice to hear of positive stories!
I read this a few days ago as it was featured on the TeacherTapp app. So thought provoking fir me, as a person who was (miserably) schooled, a teacher and a new parent: what are our options when schooling is doing so much damage? Is muddling through really the best we can hope for? It takes a certain amount of bravery to tread the road less travelled, and even more so for writing about it on the internet. Thank you and hoping it pays dividends in the end. Your description of R.’s YouTubing suggests it is doing something right.
Ah, thanks very much – yes it’s sad thinking how many people endure school more than they enjoy it. Hopefully things will keep changing over the next generation. Thanks very much for reading.
Hi Nick - would love to connect to share our work and introduce you to some fab forums where the discussions are children’s rights, social justice and education alternatives are fierce and invigorating. www.teamsquarepeg.org / @teamsquarepeg / ellie@teamsquarepeg.org
Hi – thanks so much for the comment, was already very aware of Square Peg and following you on Twitter! I think it was Sue who first became aware of you. Thanks for all the work you do in this area – it really helps. We definitely plan to stay engaged in this whole conversation - right now we mainly feel relieved to have found a way out and hopefully a happier future ahead.
As a teacher who has left the classroom, but more importantly as a mother of two eclectic schooled boys, this article made me happy. I wish every child could learn in the environment that was just right for them! Btw, I’d love to know your son’s page. My 10 year old loves Minecraft and loves using it as a tool to learn all about the world we live in.
"The person with the clipboard never arrives." I loved this line along with many others. This part is also so great: "All these debates ... connect to even bigger questions about the changing labour market (for which education is partly a preparation) and ultimately about life itself. What makes a good life? What makes a good childhood? What are the responsibilities of a parent? How do you measure success?"
So much heart and thought is on display in this piece. As a parent to 3 boys who are also not in school but learning, living, asking questions, and far more in control of their time than I ever was in school, I appreciate the care with which you articulated your experience. Thank you! A.
Ah, thanks Ashley, that's so nice to hear. That 'person with a clipboard' thing is something I think about a lot. I guess many parents feel the graduation photo is the culmination of all the effort, but life carries on long after that and the after-effects of schooling can play out in all sorts of strange ways.
All the best to your three boys – sounds like they're having a great start in life.
Got it! Thanks so much. Go ahead and delete now 😉
Will do 😊👍
Just discovered you this morning, Nick, and very glad to have done so. Loved this honest and thought provoking post of yours, and the brilliant artwork by your wife. Thanks for sharing.
Ah, thanks very much Satya – that's nice to hear
Beautifully written Nick, and clear that you and your wife are being incredibly thoughtful and making the best decision for your child. Especially interesting to read about parents who are working hard to make things work outside of the "traditional" parenting routes that society pushes us into, which can often feel like square pegs into round holes.
Thanks Kevin, that's lovely to hear.